Is Not Letting Go Affecting Your Growth?

September 5, 2017
Shanika | Orchids + Sweet Tea

Is Not Letting Go Affecting Your Growth?

Letting go is so hard to do......until it's not. Often times we find ourselves warped in our own negative thoughts about letting go of a relationship that does us no good. Granted, it's definitely not an easy thing to do, especially when you've spent so much of your time and space with someone.

Pink and purple flowers with a coffee mug.

It's just the way we're wired. Our brains tell us that the familiar is the ONLY thing that exists and anything outside of that just doesn't feel comfortable. And it's ok.

Letting go or removing yourself from a particular situation or person is going to feel uncomfortable. But the important thing is that we understand that in order to grow, we have to be willing to face discomfort for some time.

A desk with text: \"Is Not Letting Go Affecting Your Growth?\"

Let's think about a Butterfly and the way it morphs from a mere insect. So, as we know, a butterfly starts off as a simple caterpillar, often overlooked and rarely noticed while it's on the ground. Then it decides to wrap itself inside of a "cocoon" for God knows how long (while being uncomfortable I'm sure!), until it eventually morphs into a beautiful Butterfly, which we almost always notices at first glance in admiration to it's beauty.

Now, what we see is often the beginning and the end, but never the middle stages. The crazy thing is that the middle stages are often the "gray areas" in our lives that produce the most doubt, frustration, fear, and everything else that tries to force us to make a sudden "U-turn" back to what we know and are familiar to.

But if we stick it out long enough, our newness will feel much more freeing than our oldness ever could; much like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. I'm pretty certain that the butterfly would never think about turning back into it's previous state because it's now able to fly higher, be more swift, and see the world from a whole new view. Could this be how you'd feel if you embraced your own change?

Caterpillar crawling on a leaf.

In comparison, this happens to us once we understand the art of letting go. The blueprint isn't always laid out and we don't always know what will be, but we must at least be willing to take the risk for what could be. I've learned along my own journey that not everything you've known is good for you.

Sometimes, you grow numb to the painful things, you settle for the least thing because the greater thing seems so much more impossible, and you find yourself stuck in this continuous rut; in fear that you'll be alone and isolated if you decide to take a dive into something better. Just know that it's OK to outgrow people. It's OK to outgrow situations.

Unfortunately, you won't always have people beside you who will be determined enough to be "Peter" and walk on water while standing outside the boat. Some people are comfortable being on the boat because it's easier to prepare for what's next that way. And there's nothing wrong with that. The wrong part is not understanding who and where you are and staying where they are in hopes of "having company".

You won't grow that way. You won't stretch. You won't be your best that way. In fact, you'll be miserable because what's inside of you will feel trapped and unattended to.

While there isn't a written manual to moving on and healing after any relationship ends, you must understand that everything begins to be your new normal as time passes. So kick, scream, cry, be sad, angry and second-guess yourself for only a moment; and then make sure that you dust yourself off and get back to moving forward.

New things will begin to fall into place soon enough. New people will cross paths with you soon enough. New opportunities will open up soon enough. Just keep going. The masterpiece takes molding, shaping, and a ton of other stuff in preparation for the finished product.

You are that masterpiece. So, it's important that we understand that before we can have the "good things", we must be ready to receive them first and foremost. No shortcuts. Believer it or not, most times we aren't ready because of lingering baggage, unsettled anger, deeply unhealed wounds, negative thinking, resentment, and bitterness.

And Yes, those things will block your ability to actually see the good things that are birthed before you. Let them go.

5 Mindsets That Keep You Stuck When Ending a Relationship.

Relationships do take work, but working on ourselves take much more work. I strongly believe that some relationships are harder because the individuals never work on themselves first, therefore, when you add more unfinished work to something that already takes works, you're often left with dysfunction.

Cutting the issues away at the root creates capacity for the good things to be filled in it's place. That's how life works. That's how nature works. Malnourished things die off so that new life can be formed. That's how relationships work as well.

The art of letting go is to kill the unhealthy relationships so that new + healthy ones can grow.

Letting go is so hard to do......until what's required makes it's not so hard.

Be sure to read my article featured on Enigma Life on the 10 Signs That It's Time To Let Go.

Blank piece of paper with a pen next to a coffee mug.

Is Not Letting Go Affecting Your Growth?

Just remember, that When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Some Sweet Tea!

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  1. This is powerful Shanika. This resonates with me personally, as someone who always does a u-turn like you said when I sense change coming. As I've gotten older I'm trying to recognize my tendency toward that and override the impulse. I can see the ways that not letting go has been damaging to me in the past. Thanks for these insightful words.

    • Hi Kristy! I'm so glad that this has helped you in some way. It's definitely hard sometimes to fight the urge to make a u-turn, but it's amazing that you've come to grasps with it and are taking steps to do better. That's awesome! I'm wishing you the very best on your journey! Thanks so much for reading! ?

    • Hi Angie! I'm happy to hear that I could be a bit of inspiration. I know how tough it can feel sometimes, but continue to hang in there. Thanks so much for reading! ?

  2. Such truth here. It's so hard to walk away and let go. I've had to do this with a couple of toxic people in my life but I find it very hard to forgive myself afterwards. With time, I hope peace will come.

    • Hi Morgan! Yes, I can definitely relate. However, the most important thing is reminding yourself that it IS for the best regardless of the guilt you may feel. In time, peace will come. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey! 🙂

    • Hi Raina! Yes, we definitely will come out of it so much better. We just have to keep going long enough to know this. Thanks so much for reading! 🙂

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